Our impatient little girl.

One of my goals of this year was to nurse little miss Enslie longer then I did Erilyn well that didn't happen. :-(  When she was born she ended up with a bruise on her head no one knows for sure how or why. Usually babies who are suctioned out, had the use of forceps or were in the birth canal for to long have them, none of those were the case. My guess is its from how low she was sitting the last couple of days it hurt so bad to walk!! Any way because she has the bruise on her head its filled with excess blood and as its breaks down it creates the bil-rubin that if not absorbed and passed thru her system and out fast enough it causes jaundice or the yellowing of the skin. Anyway because she had this bruise that was giving her body bili ruben, she was extra tired for the first couple of days and would just fall asleep nursing. Because she fell asleep nursing she was not getting the amount of fluids she needed in order to pass the bili-rubin thru her little body and because she wasn't able to pass it she wasn't getting the nutrients to stay awake to eat so it was just a never ending cycle. I ended up pumping and giving her my milk thru a syringe at the breast hoping that she would learn to stay latched on and suck. She would latch on and suck for a few seconds then pull away or fall asleep. I worked for 2 hours with a lactation specialist while I was in the hospital after having her and another 2 hours at primary children's with a different one. Both times they were stumped!! We tried every trick in the book from nipple shields to pumping before nursing to get my flow going nothing helped. They even checked to see if she was tongue or lip tied witch she is not. The second specialist said that she is just impatient like her daddy and my flow wasn't fast enough. I tried to nurse and then pump and give her what I pumped for the next few days. It seemed like every time I sat down to pump Erilyn needed/wanted me for something and was tied down. Pumping was also bringing back bad memories of when Erilyn was in the nicu and having to pump constantly. Every time after trying to nurse and Enslie fighting it would cry, Every time I thought about the fact that she may have to be given formula I would cry. Knowing that part of the reason she got jaundice so bad was because she wasn't getting the nutrients she needed I would cry. I was crying machine! Infact im crying right now as I type this. Nursing was one of the things I was looking forward to most and it only lasted a week. I cried when she had her first formula bottle. And cried even harder when I made the decision to stop nursing all together. But in the end I know I made the right decision for me and my daughters. She is now staying hydrated and getting the nutrients she needs from the formula. She has been able to keep her jaundice under control while her bruise heals. And have come to terms with the fact I made the best decision not only for my daughters health but for my own well being. I'm no longer stressed about trying to get her to latch on and weather or not she is getting what she needs. Im also able to be a better mom to both my girls because im not tied down pumping, crying or worrying about weather Erilyn is getting the attention she needs while I pump. Enslie is happier as well. I am still able to pump a few oz. at night once Erilyn is asleep for the night and Enslie is napping. ( I figure alittle is better then nothing).